Blog > Lifestyle > Health > Swine Flu More Condition_symptoms

Swine Flu More Condition_symptoms

Posted on May 4, 2009

SWINE FLU COMES TO AMERICA

WASHINGTON, DC – The Swine Flu epidemic has reached the United States.  This new mutated strand of influenza starts as a normal flu, then turns people into pigs.

The world is in the grip of fear over an outbreak of a new Swine Flu.  A previous strain affected pigs by making them grow enormous and vicious.  This flu has since mutated, mixing with human and avian viruses, to create a new and more dangerous Swine Flu.  This flu begins with typical  symptoms, such as sneezing fever and lethargy, but soon makes humans grow larger and more angry.  Then, by the first full moon, sufferers turn into mutated pigs!

The Center for Disease Control is looking to contain the outbreak and pictures of its effects. “The biggest threat right now is panic,” said CDC spokesman Thomas Belding.  “With proper care, the mutated Swine Flu is treatable.”

incubation-period-for-swine-flu

Cases of flu-produced werepigs have been confirmed in Canada, Mexico, New Zealand, Spain, and the United States.  So far 20 cases have been reported total in the US.

Eight New York City school children have been infected.  The first symptoms were noticed when the children ate their lunch by diving face first into their plates.  This tipped off school officials who reported the children to the CDC.  The children were apprehended by government agents at recess, lured into black vans by repeated calls of “Souuuuiiiee, Souuuuiiiieee!!”

Theories suggest that the mutational capacity of this virus may have originated as a government project.  Some sources believe that a virus designed to rewrite DNA to create super soldiers was accidentally released and then mixed with other existing influenza viruses; however there is currently no evidence to support such a claim.

Governments around the world are scrambling to stem a global pandemic.  EU countries are discouraging non-essential travel to North America, this time for reasons other then being pretentious.  The White House is considering a “Leave Room for Jesus” policy on interpersonal proximity in public.  Media are being refused access to afflicted areas and hospitals.

SPOFFORD, TX – An outbreak of swine flu is being controlled in Mexico City, but the first infected pig was just found and killed in the States!

A monstrous mutant pig held a small town in a grip of a terror, stomping out for nightly rampages that destroyed crops, wrecked barnyards and left beloved pets and farm animals savaged. The colossal 10-foot porker tipped the scales at a staggering 800 pounds.

Its reign of terror ended last night when veteran hunting guide Chris Morris courageously shot the flu-infected pig. “I did what I had to do,” said Spofford resident Morris. “What if it had infected us?”

Scientists had only hypothesized that this new strain of swine flu could mutate pigs. Dr. William Metzler explained, “It’s like nothing we’ve ever encountered. We knew it was a possibility, but never in my life would I have expected it to actually happen!”

It is believed that an infected pig somehow crossed the border at an unfenced section and then infected the Spofford swine. The animal, a unique wild hog-pig hybrid, soon grew to a monstrous size with unparalleled fury.

“While wild hog are known for being aggressive, we think the infection was causing the pig intense discomfort, which only fueled its rage,” said Dr. Metzler.

Local wildlife authorities have asked Morris to train officials how to catch and kill these animals. Dr. Metzler said they are unfortunately expecting more mutants to appear, but more importantly, fear the mutating virus will jump to humans.

Categories: Health
Tags:

Leave Comment

(required)

(required)